Victory Against STIs
Posted on Sat Mar 18th, 2023 @ 7:46pm by Fleet Captain Maxwell Culver & Lieutenant Rowena "Rena" Campbell & Lieutenant Commander Ukram Gocx
Edited on on Sat Mar 18th, 2023 @ 8:12pm
1,679 words; about a 8 minute read
Mission:
Good Will Tour: Mountain Home [Part Two]
Location: Triton Seabase: Sickbay
Timeline: MD14: 1100 hours
Based on Rena’s recommendation that Max should see the doctor after becoming sexually active at the age of fifty, and her offer to accompany him to meet the new Klingon doctor, Max was still not looking forward to discussing his sex life with either Rena or Klingon warrior Doctor, Ukram Gocx.
Entering the otherwise empty sickbay, Max thanked the Gods silently for that, the Klingon could be seen in discourse with the EMH, hopefully just a briefing on where she thought he might like his supplies.
Rena cleared her throat, and the man turned.
"Lieutenant Campbell,” Doctor Gocx enveloped her as a whole in a laughing, Klingon hug. Turning to his captain, he extended his hand and Max caught it at the elbow, “Captain Maxwell Culver. Hope you're both well today."
Doctor Gocx indicated a biobed nearby. "Captain." He looked Rena up and down, thick brows knot in confusion. The Klingon looked from counselor to captain before bluntly asking, "Are you sure you want Counselor Campbell to sit in? As I understand it, we'll be discussing some matters of a sexual nature today."
Rena looked to Max, her face suggesting she could sit in the doctor’s empty office, so she'd be "present" but not physically in the room. If he wanted her there, though, she'd be happy to stay.
Max gave Rena a wicked smile before saying to the doctor, “Thank you, Doctor Gocx, but I think it would be unfair to have Counselor Campbell sit in on the birds and the bees discussion, or whatever animals you eat in the Q’onos representation of the act of sex.”
“Targ heart, fresh and bloody,” Gocx answered with a hearty laugh that filled the empty sickbay.
“Thanks for the short walk on over to sickbay, Counselor.” Max winked, his face a virtual image of any species’ representation of a God of Mischief.
Rena nodded. "See you," she said, ducking out of the medbay quickly. She gave out a heavy sigh before heading back to her quarters since she was off duty for the remainder of the day.
Gocx watched Rena go. "Alright, Captain. Counselor Campbell's note indicated that you wish to have a discussion about safe intercourse and STI testing?" He kept a straight face; the Klingon never judged, having found himself in a few...compromising situations himself over his years. "Let's start first with testing. Lie back, please." He used the tricorder wand - microscopic in his hand to judge the man's basic health and wellbeing.
All seemed fine. He pulled in a nurse to draw two vials of blood. "The laboratory should have these done shortly. Hopefully by the end of your appointment." He printed a label for them to hand to the nurse to be transported to the laboratory.
"Please tell me about your relationship,” Gocx asked, open ended questions.
Max smiled. He pulled a face of dubiousness and then sucked in his bottom lip. “I’m not sure that a second date can even be classified as a relationship doctor,” Max admitted. “It’s as I explained to Rena, I’m stuck in deep into the infatuation level, doctor. He’s gorgeous…I have to assume he finds me attractive and we had sex, both of us, for the first time. Not just together, but we lost our virginities to each other,” Max felt himself caught up in words, much the same way he’d been with Rena. ’Less words, more clinical,’ he reminded himself.
Ukram nodded. His race had begun to advance their views on relations outside the male/female binary, but it was slow going. His time as a Fleet doctor had forced himself to expand faster. “I see. So STI testing isn’t required at this time, but is always recommended.”
Ukram understood the basic mechanics of sexual activity between same-gender partners, and also knew that sexual activity was the fastest route to various infections and viral diseases of ALL kinds. “We can discuss further safety measures if you’re interested, or just continue with a regular examination if you’re certain he’s not had any other partners and will not.”
“To be fair, I only have his word that I’m his first, but I believe him. That wouldn’t make me the first idiot to believe a lying lover. I’d prefer STI testing for me and then we can talk about staying safe,” Max suggested. He felt so stupid, like a teenager except he was fifty.
Ukram sighed, but nodded. He was too old for this shit. "So far, your biological readings are within normal limits, perhaps even better for a man your age," he said, eyes watching the biobed and tricorder feedback. “I assume you work out?” Drink, smoke?
“I work out regularly, mostly swimming and cardio/weight training in the gym. Some occasionally high intensity interval training. I eat regular and rarely overeat unless our hosts prefer to eat the Earth Italian way. Mangia!” He chuckled at the festivity and welcoming tradition of the Italians. “I drink, mostly social and sometimes to excess. I don’t smoke,” he admitted.
The nurse returned and transferred a file to the doctor. Ukram dismissed her and she left, closing the door behind her. Ukram took just a moment to look at the test results. “As you suspected, your STI tests have returned in all normal. Q’apla!” Ukram, slapped a heavy hand on Max’s shoulder.
"As for safety, now, there are many options. There's physical barriers - specifically condoms - and there are other options, the Terrans introduced them centuries ago" he snapped his fingers after thinking very carefully. “Monoclonal antibodies (MABs) are a type of targeted drug therapy. These drugs recognise and find specific proteins on disease cells. Many of these drugs now cater toward trans-species disease and are highly effective.”
“I’ll write a prescription for ZimuUmab. Believe it or not, it is highly effective between El-Aurians and most bi-pedal humanoids, specifically the Terrans. Now, this is a twice yearly dosing system, so you will be required to return in six months for a second dose.”
The doctor moved to the dosing station and ordered the drug. As he slipped it into the hypospray, he asked, “Just for procedural processing, you are choosing this as your best choice. Do you have any questions before injection?”
Max shook his head to indicate no, but then it was for recording, so he said yes loudly.
Ukram explained that the man injections were intramuscular, once done, Max chose an arm into which Ukram injected the medication. “This may be sore tomorrow, so I suggest you move it about as normal. Try not to “baby it”, as the Humans say.
“There are many other medications and old school snake oils, like a Deltan anal spray that is injected into your rectal cavity. I do not recommend that. I find these snake oil sellers ridiculous.
Max sighed. “Listen, doc, this whole situation is ridiculous to me. I’m fifty and basically going through puberty again. I’ll follow your advice only. thank you for your time and discretion, Doctor.”
“Ah ah, Maxwell. Should we talk about the topic of positions and whom will be doing what?” Gocx slowed the CO from leaving. Max looked at the Klingon curiously. “There are some serious considerations you may want to read about if you are not yet ready to talk about fecal accidents and how to react when these occur.”
“In all honesty,” Max said, suddenly looking very uncomfortable. “I will do some reading during my spare time.”
Gocx nodded. "Ah, puberty. It's a tough age. If you need help navigating through it, please do let me know-for furtherance of medicine. I, admittedly, haven't worked with a lot of El-Aurians, and here we have TWO." Oddly, two Klingons as well, but that has become more and more common as the Exchange program has taken off.
Gocx was so glad that this was a quick visit. He was going to read Rena the riot act when he was done. He went into the supply room, found some condom types for the patient to “try” and returned. "Here you are. Please make sure you use your preference of these immediately before sexual intercourse. Do you have any more questions?"
“No,” Max responded. “I think I’ve wasted enough of your time on my second puberty. I’ll follow the instructions and we’ll let you know how they’re working.” He shook the bag.
Ukram nodded. "Well, then. You're free to go with a clean bill of health. Now remember, if you don’t like what you’ve got here,” Ukram paused and indicated the bag, ”There is an almost unlimited number to try. Colored, flavored, textured. Do your homework, Maxwell.”
“Thank you, Doctor. I’ll stop wasting your time.” Max took his belongings and made himself scarce.
“Ah! Wait! I’ll be sending you information about hygiene both before and after your sexual encounters, Captain Culver,” Ukram reminded his captain.
Max gave the CMO a confused look. “There is far more than a shower, Captain. If you feel self-conscious after you’ve read your new data files, feel free to consult with Doctor Graham before your next date. She can give you date counseling and hygiene and cleanliness advice for before and after sex.”
“Condoms are effective to 98% effectivity as a barrier against STI’s, but using back up, prescription medications like ZimuUmab can take effectivity to near 100%. And if you have any concerns, always check in with your doctor,” Doctor Graham said as a hilarious addition to the Klingon.
Max sighed, heavily as the two of them poured on what came down to a comedy routine. He scratched his head. “I hate you both.”
“Maxwell, Qap’la against sexually transmitted infections.”
Max exited the sickbay and suddenly realized Rena had to have put the pair of them together on this. “Once the double doors closed to the hospital, Max muttered, “Is anyone on this ship ever going to be normal?!”
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