Medicine for the Doctor

Posted on Tue Jan 21st, 2025 @ 10:02pm by Lieutenant Commander Frasier Greene & Lieutenant Rowena "Rena" Campbell
Edited on on Fri Jan 24th, 2025 @ 10:59am

2,216 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: Short Treks
Location: Mental Wellness Center/Sickbay

In a rather uncharacteristic manner Frasier Greene pouted with thought as he sat in Counsellor Campbell's office. He'd been scolding himself for putting this off as, yet he felt ill prepared for what was about to happen. He was anxious, nervous and sweating - reactions his medical training tried to combat with experience and centre his raging thoughts. Only it wasn't work related stresses that brought him to Campbell's domain. It was a matter of the heart that had led him here and clouded his judgement.

Rena settled in across the table from Dr. Greene-she had modified her office AGAIN. The low coffee table was now round, and painted green. She often changed the furniture, based on her mood, but the one thing that was constant was the orange, overstuffed, shabby sofa that Frasier was sitting on, and her large, shag-style armchair that matched.

"What brings you in today, Sir?" She asked. She was formal, by the book, and would call him "Dr. Greene" or "Sir" or sometimes "Commander" until he said otherwise. And if he never did? That was fine, too.

"Frasier is fine," the Doctor said quickly. "I'm on your turf now, rank and structure don't matter here." He was fidgeting with nervous energy, a constant twitch in his right leg had started and forced him to adjust his seat before it became distracting. "I think I need help letting go of my guilt regarding my marriage failing. I'm worried it's tainting my relationship with the crew, and with someone I'm drawn to."

Rena nodded. "Frasier it is," she said. "I have never found the fact that you were married to be a problem in our interactions; did someone say something?" She asked.

"Not directly," Frasier replied feeling squirmy already.

"What specifically causes guilt?" She asked. "Is it just the overall fact that it didn't work out, or did something happen?"

"It's something normal I avoid talking about," Frasier began before pausing for a steadying breath. "I'm ashamed of my actions - I quite literally ran away from the pain and enlisted to escape instead of trying to fix what we had I chose the flee."

"What pain are you referring to? Just the pain of loss of what you had?...You were both faithful?" She asked.

A lump caught in his throat at her question and he could feel a wave of emotion start to swell. He licked his sudden dry lips: "Yes in a sense. I became engrossed in my career striving to improve myself. My relationship with Catherine felt less important as we were married and expected our son."

Rena nodded. "Were you afraid of fatherhood, perhaps?" She asked.

"No," Frasier replied with a pause. "I don't believe that played a part." He licked his lips again disliking the words that were about to tumble out: "I became complacent with her, arrogant even. I had everything one could desire, a wife, a family, house and dream career. Yet, I... threw it all away. Because I was selfish."

"Sometimes people simply grow apart as they age and get involved in their careers and such. And that's OK. And I hear that you are feeling guilt that you didn't TRY...did Catherine ask you to?" She said.

Frasier turned away to collect himself and quashed the fresh wave of emotional turmoil that rose. "She shouldn't have needed to. If I'd been less focused on myself I would have seen her loneliness and encouraged her to return to her studies." He said with an unsteady tone. "She had been studying medicine before we were married - that's how we met. She put her own career on hold for me and James, our son. Yet, I didn't consider her needs, only my own - and if I'd been a good husband I would have seen..." he paused and blew out his cheeks feeling his eyes beginning to burn with tears.

Rena nodded quietly. "That's true. BUT...she was an adult. She could have said that she needed the attention or something," Rena said. "When you're an adult, sometimes, you need to do that. EVEN if the other person should understand," she said. "Nothing is one-sided," she said. "That said...you can now use that going forward for any future relationships," she said. "Take what you SHOULD HAVE recognised, and make sure you're doing that with your new...friend," she said. "And uh...I've been doing this AWHILE, and there's no one definition of a "good husband," by the way," she said, gently. She handed him a tissue from a box on her desk she kept for this kind of thing. "So...a good way to help with the guilt is to promise yourself it won't happen again. That's not to say you won't mess up somewhere ELSE, you just won't do that," she said.

Frasier gave in and took the offered tissue feeling trails of wetness weave through his short beard. It had been a long time since he'd shed tears over his past relationship, yet the heartache and guilt was never far from the surface highlighting his need to address this.
"I wish I could believe that," he sniffed. "I don't feel I can trust myself anymore."

Rena watched quietly for a moment. "I see," she said. "Well. There's a few things we can do to help that," she said. "But...I need to know first...what do you hope to achieve? Do you want me to help you to move past your marriage? Are you trying to re-kindle that? Or just move on to a new relationship that is healthy?" she asked. She didn't care, in this moment, that he was involved with the Commander; her job was to help and in whatever way he asked.

He heaved a heavy sigh feeling his chest constricted with the desire to wail and succumb to his swirling emotions. Once the tears and regret had started to ooze out he knew it was going to be hard to rein it back in.

Opting to focus on the carpet to ground himself Frasier tried to answer, yet he wasn't able to fully overcome the quiver in his voice. "There's no going back for Catherine and I, that ship has sailed so to speak. She has custody of James, though I try to call often it's hard. Hard to see him grow and I can see he doesn't really comprehend who I am - a just a face on screen."

Rena nodded thoughtfully. "At least you're present," she said. "I have friends whose parents are divorced, and they never see one or the other, so that's good," she said. "Is it possible for you to bring him here for a visit, the next time we dock for Shore Leave?" She asked. "He may enjoy it," she said. She paused. "is that what bothers you most?" She asked.

He paused and dabbed his eyes momentarily. "Despite this I want to make him proud somehow and leave a legacy - still nursing a life lost won't help that. It's been nearly six years since we separated and eventually divorced... I thought I'd managed to put all this behind, yet now I'm with someone I really like I can't stop dwelling on the past." He paused trying to summarise his thoughts and feelings. "I guess I'm scared it will go the same way and I'll be an ass again."

Rena nodded. "I understand," she said, her voice soft. "So. What we can do is some work to insure that doesn't happen," she said. "As I said...once you can identify what went wrong specifically, you can work on those things directly to avoid repeating them. The biggest thing you can do is learn to trust yourself. I know that Vila can sometimes be a...little forceful. If she moves too quickly with something, it is ok to say so," she said. "As you set-and enforce-boundaries, even tiny ones-say, "I won't talk to you in public while on the clock"-you will learn to trust yourself and decisions more and more. Also, we can work on some active listening exercises."

His eyes widened as Vila's name came tumbling out. He didn't recall mentioning her by name, in fact he'd deliberately kept it off the table to protect her and their relationship. Though he trusted Rena both on a personal level and professionally it was still surprising she stepped over that line of confidentiality. He tried to move past this quickly with a slight joke: "Feels like denying her something she wants might bring its own dangers."

Rena nodded. "I know you didn't say who it was, but....I put two and two together," she said. "That said, it won't leave here. Not even to HER," she said. "But sometimes...just mentioning names helps to clarify things. At least, it did for me," she said. "So. One thing I want you to do right now is think about something she does that you don't like...even just a small thing. You don't have to tell me," she said. "Now. Let's practice a scenario. Tell me something-not necessarily the SAME thing-and then we can play out a few ways you might handle it. I can go first. "Frasier, I think we should have a date in the holodeck, in front of everyone..." what would you say to that?" She asked. "Just the first thing that comes to mind-there's no right answer."

Frasier nodded to show he was following her and respected her confidante, though it was properly common knowledge that he and the XO were at least interested in each other.
"No and why would you want to do that, would be my first reaction," he responded to her scenario.

Rena nodded. "Because I think it would be fun," she said, trying to mimic Vila's voice. "NOW. Set a boundary..." she said. "Perhaps it's not no, even, but maybe "I would be willing to do that with you in the future, but I cannot right now," she suggested. "Whatever feels right."

"Right," he replied slowly rather distracted but what he should say in return to the fantasy scene. "Sorry Vila, I don't feel comfortable doing that with you, at least not yet. "

Rena smiled. "Very good!" She said. "Just repeat that. She'll get it," she said. "Vila is smart, and she WILL understand," Rena said. She continued. "She's got a lot going on in that head, but it's all worth it, I think....she'll do good things if she can channel her anger and pain. We're working on it, but I wish she would open up to me more. Maybe she will for you," Rena said. "I can't tell you much more than that, but you probably know," she said.

He smiled weakly at Rena's confession but it was good to hear there was someone else looking out for his romantic interest.

"Ok. Let's move on. You did well with that scenario. There's never a right or wrong way to do something. IF you feel like you're getting in over your head, you can just call me. It's my job to be there for you. For everyone," she said. 'And I really don't mind," she said, firmly. It was true. She LIKED it, and she really didn't mind it except very occasionally, when she was particularly tired.

His smile deepened: "I hadn't realised you played Cupid on the side."

"The thing is, Fraiser, that there is no fixing what happened in the past, BUT you can make efforts to make your future better...BUT it won't work out with Vila - or ANYONE-until you're able to trust yourself again, and let some things go. I won't lie - it's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. We can work on it together, and it won't take long, I don't think. You're smart, and pretty well adjusted. I think you just need some refreshing of your self image and any coping skills you've learned."

"Thanks Rena, that would help," Frasier replied feeling in more control of himself. "I'm sure you'd agree with me when I say it's easy to lose yourself when you're helping others. I think I could benefit from soul searching led by your guiding hand."

She smiled lightly, but nodded. "Ok. Would you like to continue today, or do you want some time to process this?" She asked. "Either way is fine with me," she said. "I don't have any more patients today so I have as much time as you do," she said. She knew he was the Chief medical officer and had a lot to do.

Still clutching his damp tissue Frasier a touch ashamed of himself as he sat in the counsellor's office. Behind his bravado face he could feel his emotions rage and wanted to address that privately. "I think that's enough for today, thank you." he replied. "I'll book a follow up in the next couple of days."

She smiled. "That would be great," she said. She stood up to lead him out. "Thank you for coming by," she said. "It was nice to see you. It will be ok," she said, reassuringly.

The Doctor smiled weakly before departing trying to take assurances in her parting words.

 

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