Counseling 4

Posted on Sat Nov 30th, 2024 @ 1:57am by Captain Lorut Vila & Lieutenant Rowena "Rena" Campbell

1,495 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Silver Rain
Location: Medical
Timeline: MD-28

“I hate Juma,” Vila said, as she sat down.

Rena was used to this by now, and, without missing a beat, just nodded, and picked up her PADD.

“That’s ok,” the Counselor said.”You’re not required to like it to be a good Bajoran,” she said.

“I know…it just…I think everyone expects me to.” She said.

“I’ve known you well over a year now, and I know that you don’t do anything that anyone expects,” Rena noted, carefully. Her tone remained even. Vila had most people in a snit, but Rena was very good at her job, and also was just an even-keeled person.

Vila nodded. “That’s true,” she said. “But that’s not why I don’t like it. It’s simply…far too sweet,” she said.

Rena nodded. “I think so, too,” she said. She paused a beat, then went on.

“How are things right now?” She asked the Bajoran. “We have a lot going on,” she said. “The Captain is missing, the away team are traumatized,” Rena said. “And your fledgling relationship is now even more in danger with you being acting Captain,” she said. “They will probably promote you to full Captain, at least until Albion finds someone that’s not you OR Max,” she said.

Vila sighed. “I know it’s hard to believe but…I am struggling, too. It’s never a good thing when a mission goes sideways, and it’s especially not good when it should’ve been YOU,” she said. “I SHOULD HAVE insisted more,” she said. “I should have just…done it,” she sighed.

Rena smiled lightly. “We BOTH know that it would’ve been futile,” she said.

Vila nodded. “Yes,” she said. “It would’ve,” she said. “But now…I have to tell his family that he’s dead. I have to tell the CREW,” she said.

And then Vila did something unexpected. She started to cry.

Rena was quiet.

“I am on hand to help you with that,” she said. “You won’t have to do it alone.” Silently, she handed Vila a tissue.

Vila dabbed her face, and sniffed. She nodded. “Thank you,” she said. “I would appreciate it,” she said. She decided to make an all-hands announcement, starting with the Command chief, which now was her, then Chet, then Fraiser, since McIntyre was still missing. She wondered if Fraiser was even Command-track trained. She’d ask him.

“I just…I need to speedrun this, Rena,” she said. “If I hope to make any inroads with the crew…I NEED them to trust me, and they don’t yet. Most of them don’t even LIKE me,” she said. “And I know that some of that is my fault,” she said. “It’s just…so hard,” she said. “NONE of them understand the things I’ve been through, and none of them understand how tiring it is to just exist like this,” she said.

Rena nodded, and paused to sip her tea.

“I know,” she said. “It really is. And you’ve made some GOOD strides. You’ve quit drinking so much, you’re able to sleep more, and you’ve not managed to get into a verbal altercation since that engineer!” She said. “And you’ve been seeing me regularly. If I didn’t know better, I would think you were just a regular…person,” she said. “There is not a person on this Starship that doesn’t have problems, trust me,” she said. “Most of them have not put in the work you have, though,” she said. “And that’s important to keep in mind.”

Vila nodded. It was nice to hear. “But I am not where I want to be,” she said.

Rena smiled. “That’s ok, we can still work on it,” she said. “Any day,” she said. “I will make myself available to you especially,” she said, “While we’re transitioning. You can DO this, Vila,” she said. “I’ve read more of your file. When you were in the militia, you led some missions. When you were an officer, you led whole teams,” she said. “While yes, eventually, your PTSD caught up with you, and the Fleet failed you on that front, you had good notes before that, and people valued your skills, especially in weaponry and tactical skills,” she said.

Vila nodded. “My kill count is quite high,” she said, quietly. Her time in the militia wasn’t something she liked to discuss. It was a means to an end-a way to defend her planet when no one else would. “And I don’t like to discuss it,” she said. “But I know I have to to deal with it,” she said. “I took other people’s lives. Justified or not…I did it,” she said. That was hard for her to admit. She felt like she was usually a good person, but good people didn’t murder others, right? She voiced this. “I always felt like I was a moral person, a GOOD person, deep down. But good people don’t murder other people, even if they feel like it is necessary, right?” She sighed.

Rena thought for a minute. She wanted to answer it truthfully, not just in her opinions. Finally, she had the right words.

“You’re right. It WAS justified,” she said. “BUT the fact that you feel guilt about it, Vila? THAT is the humanity. The humanity that wasn’t shown to you. And THAT makes you a good person,” she said. “Yes. It is important to recognize that you’ve killed people. You didn’t murder them; I don’t believe your intentions were in cold blood, but as a matter of survival,” she said. “If it were to ever see a courtroom, I’d be hard pressed to entertain manslaughter, even,” she said, putting it in “real world” terms. “So. Yes. You killed people. BUT those people were MURDERING innocents, and tried to MURDER you,” she said. “You get a pass,” she said.

Vila considered the counselor’s words. No one had ever explained it like that to her. It made sense. “Thank you,” she said. “But I still have the guilt…”

Rena nodded. “And you always will. But now you know where it comes from, and what it means,” she said. “And it will always be a part of you, like everything else. But now that you UNDERSTAND it, you can let it live WITHIN you, instead of letting it OVERPOWER you,” she said. “Does that make sense?”

Vila nodded. It did. “Yes. Yes, it does,” she said. She paused a moment herself, and sipped her drink. “I suppose that means that I can still enjoy the parts of my heritage I dislike,” she said, raising her cup to mean her earlier comment about hating Jumja.

Rena chuckled. “Yes, you are still plenty Bajoran even if you hate Jumja,” she said. “Do you want to talk about anything else today?”

Vila sighed. “Yes. BUt not about me, per se. I’d like to put together a get-together for the crew. Humans have this holiday-Christmas-and maybe we could do that,” she said.

Rena smiled again. “I”d like that,” she said. “I bet the others would, too,” she said. “I can help you if you’d like. Let’s touch base about that, since it’s not part of your treatment per se, tomorrow,” she said. “But I’d love to help, and I agree that it’s a good idea.” It sounded like just the distraction they all needed.


Vila spoke again. “And. I’d like to revisit medications,” she said. “If I am going to take over command, I NEED to be able to connect with people, and I can’t do that if I am having symptoms or flashbacks in the middle of my day. Your breathing exercises HELP, but…I need a little more right now.”

Rena fell serious. She understood how big of an admittance this was for Vila.

“I am willing to prescribe you something,” she said. “Let’s start with something called a cortical analeptic. Dr. Greene or Dr. Gocx can administer it via hypospray. I will ask Dr. Greene to train me on it,” she said, “Then in the future, I can do it. Let’s start off with a 6 miligram dose,” she said, and tapped her PADD to send the order to the CMO. “Go by and see him after this. I think this is a big step, and I recognize how much it took for you to ask me,” she said. “I acknowledge the bravery and discomfort. I hope that this brings you relief, but if not, there’s other medications to try. This one is just the first line treatment-lightweight and well-tolerated by most,” she said, “with few side effects.” She smiled.

Vila nodded, and stood up. “Thank you,” she said, simply, and slipped out of the room.

 

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